Lacking the desire

At dinner I had asked my companion if she'd ever been married to which she simply replied "yes".

With little to go on I figured I'd ask more, "For how long?"

"It was pretty short" she said.

This was like pulling teeth! "Like a year?"

"Technically, I guess you could say so."

I'm thinking that maybe they lived together briefly and were divorced in about a year. Did I need to ask more? No, I don't think so. I got my practice in asking the questions! It's not like she talked about how they'd tried to work things out, or about how she'd learned anything from the experience. Even if she had learned something, having to draw it out of her didn't seem like a sign of strong communication skills.

Later I considered that not everyone has a desire to be in a long-term relationship, or to ever be married. I can't guess all the reasons. If it's because they're lacking in relationship skills at age forty then it's not my job to walk them through the learning process (though my old self would have readily volunteered).

I guess if you've never had a good long term relationship then you don't know what you're missing. The same way I have a difficult time grasping what it's like to have children, because I've never raised them myself.

Lacking the desire

At dinner I had asked my companion if she'd ever been married to which she simply replied "yes".

With little to go on I figured I'd ask more, "For how long?"

"It was pretty short" she said.

This was like pulling teeth! "Like a year?"

"Technically, I guess you could say so."

I'm thinking that maybe they lived together briefly and were divorced in about a year. Did I need to ask more? No, I don't think so. I got my practice in asking the questions! It's not like she talked about how they'd tried to work things out, or about how she'd learned anything from the experience. Even if she had learned something, having to draw it out of her didn't seem like a sign of strong communication skills.

Later I considered that not everyone has a desire to be in a long-term relationship, or to ever be married. I can't guess all the reasons. If it's because they're lacking in relationship skills at age forty then it's not my job to walk them through the learning process (though my old self would have readily volunteered).

I guess if you've never had a good long term relationship then you don't know what you're missing. The same way I have a difficult time grasping what it's like to have children, because I've never raised them myself.

The dinner companion

I met my dinner companion at a nice little restaurant which offered an eclectic selection - Italian, Steak, Seafood. The first couple times we'd met out with friends I thought she seemed a little shy but she lit up when asked questions. Well, turns out that's mostly all she responded too. As the dinner progressed it dawned on me that I was holding up both ends of the conversation. I'd asked general questions about where she grew up, where she'd gone to school - pretty basic stuff. But she wasn't asking me anything in return. So soon I found myself volunteering information about myself. I thought - wow this would be more fun if she was a little more interactive! :)
After dinner we walked down the street and eventually entered a store that sells cooking gadgets. We probably walked around in there for twenty minutes and actually had fun guessing what things were for and talking about the coolest accessories. She talked about having traveled to Italy years ago - it was so great she wanted to go back someday. I wondered why she hadn't picked a date yet?

Making myself laugh

This is what makes me laugh these days. I've spent the summer doing internet dating and also meeting new folks socially. I was thinking it would be nice to have a date this weekend. I thought about getting on a dating site but instead just wrote to a young lady I've met briefly twice at social dinners and suggested the two of us go out sometime. The funny thing. Once I thought of it there was no hesitation. There was no second guessing - "what would it mean to ask her out". There was no "what-if" she declines, or "we don't hit it off". I just thought of it, wrote an e-mail and sent it off. Then headed to the kitchen to get a bite to eat and started laughing out loud (really loudly) about the new me. I guess part of me has lost some of the "mental burdens" that one might associate with dating. It also seems that the distinction between "dating" and "meeting friends" is beginning to blur.

Life - Accept no other definition

My ruminations today have centered around the purpose of life. What makes each of us get up each day and do the things we do? How many folks get to age 50, age 60, age 70, and feel like they've accomplished what they set out to in life? How many feel like they have a plan or purpose that will carry them into old age? How many folks will feel fulfilled when they reach the end of their lives? Is there some core activity that we can do which will give us the greatest fulfillment - changing the lives of millions of people? Changing the life of one other person? Simply changing our own?

I drive down the street to pickup Chinese for dinner and I think about all the folks who are indoors for the evening - sheltered in from the Northeast cold (it's 25F outside!) There are families with kids, there are older couples whose kids have grown up and moved out, there's the widower down the street whose wife died about four years ago. There's the family that lost a son and a son-in-law on 9/11. Are they pondering their future? Are they content with today?

I suppose the questions come from within, trying to understand what drives me to get up day-to-day, trying to understand if there's a reason to "design a life" or let life unfold by itself. I wonder how many folks have the luxury to ponder the question all day? How many people sense each day that they've got more than they could have asked for, that they're lives are rich beyond what they could have hoped for?

Later I finish dinner and open a fortune cookie which reads "TEAMS - Together Everyone Achieves More Success". I think - wow, I was expecting something more meaningful. Something more in tune with my thoughts today.

Then I open the second fortune cookie which reads "Accept no other definition of your life, accept only your own." Ah, that's more like it!

Gastronomic excess

On a business trip to D.C. this week. I know coworkers who are in town, as well as hometown friends who are in D.C. We're planning a week of gastronomic excess since my hometown friend Laura used to live in D.C. and loves dining out at nice restaurants! Tonight a coworker and I had dinner at Filomena in Georgetown (Italian - excellent!) then we explored the neighborhood around the hotel to locate other restaurants. We ended up having a drink at Ruth's Chris Steakhouse overlooking Reagan National Airport - what a night time view from the top floor with the airport to the right and the Washington Monument to the left. We talked about relationships - I described my dozen first dates experience and she talked about her dating experience with her husband whom she met in her thirties. Since I jettisoned many of the self-designed rules about what you can talk to friends about, life has become much more interesting!

Fool avoided!

Well, this post is way out of sync. It's month's later and I'm just filling in the details related to "falling in love" last week. The dinner last night was with the British woman I'd met last week - this time it was just the two of us.

Afterwards we decided to walk around the neighborhood near the restaurant. We held hands and joked and laughed. I never would have imagined I could feel this way after my teenage years! :) I'm now quite sure that a person can have these feelings at *any* age.

Last week she had noted that she splits her time between the East coast and West coast. She also informed me that she's leaving in a few days to spend a couple of months on the West coast.
This has pros and cons. If she stuck around here any longer I'm sure I would make a fool of myself. :)

November 14th, 2008 - Enjoy the little things

This evening a friend and I discussed life philosophies over dinner. I noted that I'm OK with the idea of my own death - when it's my time to go I'll have no regrets. My dinner companion seemed a bit taken aback by the idea and said she doesn’t think she could make the same claim.

As the conversation progressed she described a hiking trip out West and the clear, star-riddled skies which can be incredibly beautiful when viewed from remote locations - far from city lights. Shooting stars are even easier to spot out there and in one viewing night she had spied three of them streaking across the sky. Each one giving her the opportunity to make a new wish.

Even knowing that divulging those private wishes would surely invalidate them, I asked her "What did you wish for?" A question motivated in equal parts by curiosity and flirtatiousness.

Imagine my surprise when she began to enthusiastically respond "Well, they…" Then she paused abruptly. She glanced down, then looked back at me and leaned forward ever so slightly. She said in a softer voice "Well, I can't say what they were. I think you know that."

I grinned and agreed "Oh yes, to say them out loud would mean they wouldn't come true."

As I drove myself home I thought about my position on being OK with my impending (though probably not imminent) death. You know, it's not so much that all my dreams have been fulfilled. In fact my memory reaches back to a day in my youth, a moment frozen in my mind's eye, when I formulated wishes for my future life. By now some of them have been met while others still lie in wait.

But a "life well lived" doesn’t seem measurable by the wishes achieved, for who among knows how many days remain for ourselves? Surely mountain climbers enjoy contemplating the best route, awakening each day to a new challenge, relishing each step toward the goal. It seems the most successful view the summit as not obtainable on every attempt - however their fulfillment appears rooted in their yearning and daily striving. Their ultimate goal realized not by reaching the summit but by actively experiencing each moment of their journey.

"Enjoy the little things in life for one day you'll look back and realize they were the big things", Robert Brault

Enjoy the little things

This evening a friend and I discussed life philosophies over dinner. I noted that I'm OK with the idea of my own death - when it's my time to go I'll have no regrets. My dinner companion seemed a bit taken aback by the idea and said she doesn’t think she could make the same claim.

As the conversation progressed she described a hiking trip out West and the clear, star-riddled skies which can be incredibly beautiful when viewed from remote locations - far from city lights. Shooting stars are even easier to spot out there and in one viewing night she had spied three of them streaking across the sky. Each one giving her the opportunity to make a new wish.

Even knowing that divulging those private wishes would surely invalidate them, I asked her "What did you wish for?" A question motivated in equal parts by curiosity and flirtatiousness.

Imagine my surprise when she began to enthusiastically respond "Well, they…" Then she paused abruptly. She glanced down, then looked back at me and leaned forward ever so slightly. She said in a softer voice "Well, I can't say what they were. I think you know that."

I grinned and agreed "Oh yes, to say them out loud would mean they wouldn't come true."

As I drove myself home I thought about my position on being OK with my impending (though probably not imminent) death. You know, it's not so much that all my dreams have been fulfilled. In fact my memory reaches back to a day in my youth, a moment frozen in my mind's eye, when I formulated wishes for my future life. By now some of them have been met while others still lie in wait.

But a "life well lived" doesn’t seem measurable by the wishes achieved, for who among knows how many days remain for ourselves? Surely mountain climbers enjoy contemplating the best route, awakening each day to a new challenge, relishing each step toward the goal. It seems the most successful view the summit as not obtainable on every attempt - however their fulfillment appears rooted in their yearning and daily striving. Their ultimate goal realized not by reaching the summit but by actively experiencing each moment of their journey.



"Enjoy the little things in life for one day you'll look back and realize they were the big things", Robert Brault

Falling in Love (how ironic)

Well, yes. How ironic that I've developed all these dating 'analysis' skills, plus I've shied away from women who 'fell in love' with me - and yet here I am feeling intense emotions about someone I've just met.


Last night I had dinner with some friends and met a women who just seemed to make my head spin.


We chatted on and off during the evening and I kept finding myself touching her arm as we talked, and she returned the gesture. She seemed very bubbly and happy and I can't imagine what was going through my head. She has a British accent - how interesting! At the end of the evening she said to e-mail her if I wanted to get together sometime. Ummmm..yes, OK.


My only 'inoculation' against this feeling of "falling on love" is that I know it's not based on anything in reality. But boy, it sure feels good! I'm basically going with the flow. If I'm going to feel 'in love' then I may as well enjoy it even if it goes against my logical instincts! :)

Falling in Love (how ironic)

Well, yes. How ironic that I've developed all these dating 'analysis' skills, plus I've shied away from women who 'fell in love' with me - and yet here I am feeling intense emotions about someone I've just met.

Last night I had dinner with some friends and met a women who just seemed to make my head spin.

We chatted on and off during the evening and I kept finding myself touching her arm as we talked, and she returned the gesture. She seemed very bubbly and happy and I can't imagine what was going through my head. She has a British accent - how interesting! At the end of the evening she said to e-mail her if I wanted to get together sometime. Ummmm..yes, OK.

My only 'inoculation' against this feeling of "falling on love" is that I know it's not based on anything in reality. But boy, it sure feels good! I'm basically going with the flow. If I'm going to feel 'in love' then I may as well enjoy it even if it goes against my logical instincts! :)