Completely worth it

I've been in a new relationship for four and a half months now. It's been interesting for me to note new milestones related to Robin that I hadn't anticipated. In May and June I started to do some cleaning up around the house and rearranging things to my liking. I went through stacks of photos, partly to clean up and I guess partly for a trip down memory lane.

Nowadays I note new types of milestones. As this new relationship incrementally evolves the two of us talk in more detail about ourselves, about our history, about our goals. We share and give more openly and easily with each other. Over time we seem to smile and laugh more deeply.

Occasionally I feel a slight tug in the opposite direction. Occasionally I feel a slight fear. Like a child who's recently been burned by the stovetop I feel a slight hesitation. I wonder what I'm getting myself into. At this point in my life I'm quite adept at sensing feelings and questioning them. This sense of fear is pretty easy to understand - the fear of future loss. I take a moment to talk to myself and I say "everything is going to work out just fine". Just like Robin and I used to say before she got sick, and likewise after she got sick.

I consider what my brain is trying to protect itself from. Then I consider all the joy two people can share. Given the risk and reward I'm comfortable in my assessment that being in a relationship is completely worth it.