A Dozen First Dates

I've been mulling over what happened over the weekend. How could a woman and I talk for an hour or two and have completely different experiences? She found herself increasingly attracted to me and yet I found myself progressively less interested in her. Why did I let the conversation continue when I sensed the rising negativity of her stories? When she asked if there seemed to be a connection forming between us why did I find it difficult to simply say "No" - well, you know, even in a polite way 'no'.

I mulled over my experience as a shy teenager - shyness which continued into young adulthood. I considered the fact that I had very limited dating experiences when I was younger. Eentually I came to the realization that I really don't have strong dating skills. I mean - I think I make a good impression one-on-one but I don't think I consider very well the "couple skills" that my date and I may (or may not) have. In summary, I seem to overemphasize whether we feel a physical attraction and I tend to de-emphasize whether we have the interpersonal skills to make things work in the long run.

I also recognize that I'm still struggling with self-esteem issues that have colored my previous relationships and that appear to be continuing to effect my communications with women. Though I'd begun to consider myself a "good" communicator the last few years, I'm starting to come around to the fact that maybe my communication skills are lacking when it comes to personal relationships.

As a result I've developed a "dating improvement" plan. I've concluded that what I need to do is to go on a series of dates with different women, with the intent of becoming comfortable with the dating process. I thought five didn't seem like a very large number, and twenty seemed like way too many. For no particular reason I've decided I will go on "first dates" with twelve different women.