Model Reconstruction

I was visiting my friend Deb in May and we were talking about the models that humans develop about how the world operates. The models are so much a part of ourselves, part of our lives, part of how we act and interact with others; that most of us are not even aware that these models exist nor that they drive our interactions with the world.

Each of us is born into this world in a different place and we all have different experiences. Some grow up in cold climates, some in warm. Some in places that are lush, some in places that are barren. Some are picked up and held all the time as babies, some not so much. Some of us have positive experiences in relationships by giving all of ourselves, some of us receive positive feedback in relationships when we hold more back.

Though I haven't researched it, I suspect that "brainwashing" is the process of taking a person, locking them in a room and breaking down everything they've ever believed. By pounding an individual with messages that break down the models; by stripping down the beliefs that have been developed over the course of a lifetime - the captor psychologically strips away the individual's concept of how the world works. Thus making the individual ripe for the insinuation a new model.

Over the Winter is was occurring to me that after Robin's death my disorientation had a lot to do with the destruction of most of models. Over twenty years I'd developed seemingly secure models of how to achieve success in life, in love and in relationships. And all these models were predicated on the belief in "Happily Ever After".

But after Robin was gone I could no longer believe in the past models. The "Happily Ever After" was no longer an option. The models had proven false. What was there to believe in anymore in this world? The process wasn't obvious at the time. It has become more and more clear over time. I guess it's part of my new, evolving model. :) The affect of models show itself occasionally. In thoughts like, "What if this person I'm dating gets cancer?" Thoughts about how "Relationships can't last forever". Even if I were to enter one that lasts 45 years - still one of us is likely to depart this world before the other.

When I look back at the last two years I see myself as having gone through a reconstruction from the ground up. Testing new ideas, exploring new approaches, giving new meaning to my actions and the actions of others. Among my greatest "new strengths" is the ability to see what I'm doing, make observations about my actions, and modify my behavior as desired. These days I'm working with new models which substantially change how I live life - but more importantly I understand that I'm constructing the models, and over time I have a new found abilityto review the models and change the aspects that I deem ineffective.

Just the other day I thought back to a quote in Lance Armstrong's book about being a cancer survivor: //"I had received an e-mail from a military guy stationed in Asia. He was a fellow cancer patient, and he wanted to tell me something. "You don't know it yet," he wrote, "but we're the lucky ones."//

Well, I didn't have cancer and I didn't survive cancer, but I've received gifts and powers that I never could have imagined. Each day is more important. Each relationship more meaningful. Each moment more precious.