Arms at your side, eyes closed, and Falling

Few are so privileged as to see a person live life and die on their own terms.

She and I took turns showing each other what we knew about life. Slowly, over time, showing each other a little more what we knew about ourselves. Slowly, over time, learning to trust each other. There's a trust building exercise in which a person is asked to close their eyes and fall backwards into another person's waiting arms.

While we had learned to do this with each other, we also learned to do it with our lives. Time and time again the universe brought us gifts. Seemingly small rewards for our faith, for trusting. For putting our arms at our sides, closing our eyes and committing ourselves. Coincidence and miracles became common place - yet still retained their magic. Everything worked out in the best way, the way things were meant to be.

I don't know for sure which gave Robin more resolve in the end. Was it that she'd learned so well to trust in life's journey, or was it that the blessings had been so bountiful that it would have seemed unfair for her to ask for more? Throughout her illness she and I continued to adapt, continued to allow life to shape us, continued to find the strength that can only come from unrelenting faith.

When she was gone I found a world of meaninglessness, a world of grief awaiting me. With nothing left to do I put my arms at my sides and closed my eyes. Alone in my ritual, I ever so slowly let myself fall into the chasm of Grief. The process of falling then was easy. After all, there was nothing left to lose. There was nothing left to fear. There was no depth of grieving or rebirth that could unhinge me. There was nothing left of me except The Faith.

These days I find myself once again experiencing an overabundance of joy and good fortune. It seems comical that I could have needed a reminder last Winter to trust that something better was on its way. All will be revealed in due time.

I knew there would be much to learn when I finally met someone who intrigued me. Someone with whom I could again explore the meaning of relationships. An environment in which there would be opportunities to learn about me, and to learn about another. I knew that there would be effort involved, but I didn't realize that with trusting myself some aspects could be so "easy".

Each day I awake and I do it again. Now with a smile on my lips and a song in my heart I place my hands by my sides, I close my eyes and I gently let myself fall.

Each time I Fall I seem to get a little bit closer to Oneness.

Oneness with the Universe...

Oneness with myself...

Oneness with the ones I love...


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The other day as my friend and I walked the path together, I was asked to describe myself with one word.

The first word that popped into my head was "happy". The second *word* was "Faith-full". I offered to state the first thing that had popped into my head, though once I did it became clear to me that happiness was a byproduct, since the "Faith-full" resonated so strongly with my core.