Movin' On

For the past five to six weeks, every trash day I've been loading up the city trash can with useless stuff from around the house. Emptying out drawers full of junk which haven't seen the light of day in years. Emptying out cupboards in the basement with junk that's rested in place for over a decade. If two people are doing serious cleaning I think it's harder to throw stuff out. When a single person is doing the task it's much more expeditious!

I'm feeling a little blue again today. Gramsy's funeral is tomorrow, she died Wednesday. I've made enormous progress in cleaning the house but today's cleaning while feeling blue is different. Today I started going through old binders. I shreded all the medical info we'd compiled when Robin was ill. I shredded old bank statements. I shredded cancelled checks from the 1980's. What was I doing holding on to all this stuff?

I went through bookshelves. Robin had at least two dozen books related to massage and energy healing. I called the local massage school and asked if they had a library which could use books. The person replied that they couldn't give me much in the way of compensation, but that the books would be put to good use. I replied that "putting them to good use was my goal - and no compensation was desired." I set aside a few books that I thought looked useful for me and I put the rest in a box and carted it over to the school. The receptionist was thankful for the donation. I didn't feel the need to tell her who I was or why I should be dropping off some many brand-new looking books. Robin knows they're going to be put to good use and that's good enough for me.

In cleaning up I came across a huge box of old photos. I don't know how we did this before the digital age. Undated photos flowing over the edges of the box. Packets of photos mis-mashed. I started sorting though and tossing the "mistake" photos - like when you're finger is half covering the lens. Of all the cleaning I've done this is the first time it's brought tears to my eyes. I can't believe how young we used to look. It's amazing to see her face charged with smiles, over and over again.

I consider that if someone were witnessing the last month's progress they'd think I was getting to ready to Move Out. I'm really not planning on going anywhere physically, but part of me feels like it's begun to Move On.