Widow brain

"Widow brain" - a state in which a widow completely forgets what the next thing is that they were going to do. They can't remember where they put things (keys, hat, gloves, etc.), can't remember what day it is, can't get organized, can't remember why we are here, can't remember to pay the bills. Sometimes, the feeling that something has become chemically imbalanced in our brain, so as to feel like we are in a fog.

Optimism and widows
I've been spending more time on the widow internet 'bulletin board' lately. Funny, I participated a bit last Spring but I haven't been back to the site in a really long time. I guess it's a sign of widower stress that I'm back now.

The board is an environment where people can express anything they're feeling and get support and input from fellow widows and widowers. Often folks express frustration, rage, loss of hope, but there's also a contingent of folks who focus on hope, opportunity and growth. It seems like the messages which folks express typically get more positive (or at least less negative) the further along that they are.

Today someone posted a note about positivity in the face of loss and what impact this attitude could have. The author generated a long thread of responses from folks who admitted that being positive didn’t mean that you felt great about everything, it didn't mean you were happy with your situation. But it did mean that you took note of improvements, you celebrated small victories, you rested when you felt tired. It meant that instead of anger with your spouse, you considered how your spouse would want your life to be getting better over time.