Dating a widower

Looking back at the first year some things really do astound me. One is how I could have started dating after only about six months. At the time I knew it was something I felt I wanted/needed to do. I recognized that there were some risks, and I'd read that men (widowers) are more inclined to jump right back into things and even marry more quickly than widows.

With six months perspective it's much easier to see the potential issues/complications. For me the biggest problem is not being settled in life. I feel that I'm in no place to make any commitments since I haven't yet reformulated "what life is about". This of course complicates a relationship with a non-widow because it's difficult to describe what's going on (or not going on) in your head. In attempting to verbalize where I am in life I realized there are some things that a person could never fully express in words. There's no way to convey to another person what losing a twenty year partner is like, what "grieving" is like, what it's like to have no solid ground, what it's like to have no goals. I have read that widows and widowers often meet and marry and I can see why - though neither can express exactly what they've been through, their new partner has been in the same boat and can relate.

On one of the drives to New York City Robin had told me about one of her massage clients. The woman was in her 80's and she had been widowed about six times. She just kept losing husbands all throughout her life. I can't imagine what kind of perspective she has on the meaning of life…