Sadiversaries

Well, finally coming around to the twelfth month. Widow(er)s describe how hard the anniversaries are, particularly the first year anniversary of their loved one's death. Well, actually, in the widow(er) community they're referred to as "sadiversaries" since they are not viewed like other 'anniversaries' which are typically days to celebrate.

For me the anniversaries throughout the year (the day of first symptoms, the day of diagnosis, the day of enrolling in hospice, etc.) have been memories to deal with, but they've been nothing like the recurring reminders of cancer in the present. Today a friend from my flying club died of complications related to cancer treatment. It was the second time in his life that he'd faced cancer. The first time was about twenty years ago when he was in his fifties. This time around the chemo drugs overwhelmed his system.

The weird thing is that in the past when I knew someone who died I had a sense of fear or sadness. I would think "couldn't I have seen them one more time before they went?", "couldn’t they have had a little more time here?" In this instance I thought about all the years that I’d known Jim. I thought about the times we'd flown together, the times we met and talked about things. The smile he would get when he told a joke (corny or otherwise).

I thought about how I'd been a person he knew during his last fifteen years. Here was a fellow who had grown up, married, had a career, had kids. I thought - here's a guy who has completed his lifecycle. He could have had more time, he could have had less time, either way it seemed like Jim did a pretty good job with the time that he had.