Didn't go to the wake

I'd been debating about going to Jim's wake. First I had decided that I wouldn't, then last night I had decided I would. I knew many, many people who would be there. I cancelled plans so I could be there. Then in the late afternoon I just felt like I couldn't make it.

This isn't a new problem for me. The last time I was at a wake where a body was on display I was about fourteen and my grandfather had died. I have a few vivid memories of the day. I remember the wake being a stressful, confusing place to be. A younger brother broke into fits of laughter while his face showed signs of stress. I remember afterwards, sitting on the stoop of my grandparent's home. It was a beautiful, sunny day. One of my aunts said Harry would have really liked that it was such a bright, sunny day.