A new phase

My friend Sue can tell when I'm ready to do something different. I start tapping my feet, I get restless, I start humming a tune.

My recent 'restless' moods seem to be telling me it's time for a new phase. I've spent much of the last year testing out this new world. Unlearning some limits, unlearning some fears and doing things I never imagined possible for myself. It hasn't always been easy but mostly I've tried to go with the flow. I guess that's what I needed first - to stand on my own, to see that I'm still here. I still make mistakes (a lot) but I don't worry about them like I used to years ago.

I think the biggest change lately is this increasing desire to think to the future and picture where it goes. I think it's harder to contemplate now, having seen death so close and now wondering what we're all doing here. Well, maybe more specifically, "what am I doing here?" I feel a need again for some occasional alone time. Time to think things through some more I guess.

Among recent revelations is the number of folks I know (or have know over the years) who have gone through a similar experience of losing a spouse at a young age (I'm arbitrarily thinking before age 45). I can think of about six folks off the top of my head. Some I had occasion to meet within a year of their loss. A couple of folks had experienced their loss when they were young, but by the time I met them they were in the 50's or late 80's so it had been up to fifty years ago. Having had similar experiences it's somehow absurdly easy to get into a conversation about what we'd been through.