Pool party part II

Another pool party. This time the kids are on their own in the water - I'm hanging out with the adults. There are a few people I haven't seen in a long time and we share what's been going on in our lives. My memory banks have been filling up with new experiences. Even though I'm "the guy who lost his wife last Winter" I can also now talk with excitement about other subjects.

I do find I'm a new member of a "club". The people very closely affected by cancer seem to easily share the details of what they've gone through. We compare notes about experiences with hospice, treatments, doctors, medications. I'm loosing my sharpness and don’t always recall the details about a particular chemo treatment or the types of anti-nausea medications. I do however retain a good layman's grasp about the basic mechanisms of cancer. Some folks share their opinions on grieving and how they think it works (or how it worked for them).

I spend time talking with a woman one-on-one. Her mother had cancer many years ago and survived, but last Winter a new type of cancer was discovered. Due to the mother's age and the advanced disease there would be no treatments. They began to prepare for a meeting with hospice and began to consider the challenges they would face over the next two to four months as the cancer took it's toll on the mother and on the family. Then unexpectedly, before they could even make the transition, her mother passed away. I felt for this women who had anticipated a period of care giving and likely a period of saying goodbyes - now seemingly robbed of the experience.

I guess cancer (and death in general) work on their own timetable unknown to us. Better to say what you're feeling and be sharing your life now rather than wait and find that soon it's too late. After all "too late" could only be a week away…