Can't scare me anymore

In the six prior biking days we'd only experienced rain twice. Both times the showers had come late in the day, so folks who finished in the early afternoons had remained dry. The forecast for the final day was for rain to start by 11:00am. No one seemed to have trouble getting up early and getting on the road by 6:15am! This would be another fast day - it would start with miles of downhill and then finish with rolling hills into Saratoga Springs.

Well, the rain started earlier than forecast - by 8:00 a.m. The temperature was warm which reduced the risk of hypothermia, but the rain was a bit uncomfortable. With each pedal stroke I could feel wet squishing in the soles of my shoes. Visibility was reduced, the road was slick, the brakes on the bike became weaker.

We came upon a steep hill where everyone would have to stand up on their bike to climb it, even in their lowest gear. With the week's training behind me I felt stronger than ever. I struggled, but I had no fear. I replayed a phrase from earlier in the week "you can't scare me anymore" but this time I said it aloud to myself and laughed. It began to have meaning for me beyond the bike ride itself. It was a phrase that reverberated from that day in December when we first learned what metastases meant - there would no longer anyway to get the rapidly growing cancer out of Robin's body and it would eventually get her.