Grieving at Nine months

Well, the grieving feeling happens much less often these days. Two weeks ago I sat alone on the couch watching television and it just hit me for no apparent reason. I let myself feel it and it passed after a few minutes. Last weekend it happened on a vacation to New York City. My friend asked if it was hard for me to see some of the places I'd been to with Robin. I said no, I'd been to the city twice last Spring and I think I kind of got over seeing those places again. Then I told her about the New York City bike ride last Spring and letting the picture go off the bridge. That made us both cry a little.

A couple of nights ago I saw a story on "Frontline" about the business of Undertakers, and well, basically about death and dying. It followed the stories of several families, the stories about their losses, the stories about what they got out of the services they held for their loved ones. Several of the stories had to do with chronic diseases - because how else would they find families who *were going to need* funeral services. It was interesting to see a commonality in the way folks talked about an impending death. Those awaiting the loss of a family member had a somewhat optimistic look as they talked about the upcoming change, then afterwards they had that characteristic sadness in their voices and in their eyes. The older folks who had been anticipating their own death exhibited a sense of calm and even a sense of excitement as they talked about making their final arrangements. I suppose at some age you really start to understand how your own death doesn’t necessarily separate you from the rest of the world, maybe it even brings you closer to it.

Anyway, when I saw the program was on it was one of those instances where I knew I'd have to watch it. I knew it would affect me emotionally but then the last nine months I've been drawn to those types of things. I figure anytime something calls to me and I avoid it, I'm just repressing the feelings. And buried feelings never go away. They simply fester and eat you away from the inside. So I watched the show, let the tears flow and felt better for it.

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/undertaking/