Bummer...

Well, "bummy", actually was my reply when my friend asked how I've been doing lately. For some reason this month's just gotten more difficult as it goes along. As I'd mentioned previously I can only guess that it's because things really hit the fan last December. I like my friend Sue because she encourages me to talk if it helps, or to not talk if I feel better that way. She appreciates the fact that I can talk about the experience last year, I think she also appreciates that it's not something I feel the need to talk about very often.

Thoughts of Robin seem to come back even more easily the past couple of weeks. Sometimes I shut them down. Occasionally I let them run free and see where they go. Crying has come back more easily once again. Last weekend I was resolved to sit down and complete holiday cards to send out. Robin and I used to do them as a team effort. I had the easy part - find the cards, do the return addresses, apply the stamps and mail them. Robin took on the task of writing in the cards themselves. We’d usually talk about what she would write in the card, even when it seemed like a simple phrase. She would sign for both of us. Last year I think she did about fifty or sixty cards - probably the last organized task she accomplished.

So there I was last weekend. I was in the car at a stop light when I had resolved that I'd get them done that day. Having made the decision I began to mull over what to write inside. Then it occurred to me that I'd be signing them just "Greg". That started the tears in a way I hadn't felt in a while, trickling down my cheeks and on down my neck. Well, I thought, I guess I don't *really* have to do cards this year.