Robin's (wonderful) clients

The phone number for Robin's massage business is still active. It is now forwarded to my cell phone and occasionally I receive messages from her clients which are intended for Robin, and in which the clients inquire as to how she is coping, how was her New York surgery (never happened), and whether she is up to doing massage again. I always return these calls and talk to her clients - usually the sooner the better rather than dwell on what the conversation will be like.

Robin obviously didn't perform massage as simply a business. She'd been a caregiver all her life starting with nursing and I got the distinct impression that her role as a massage therapist also involved being a listener and being there for folks who would talk about issues in their own lives. So in her support role she made connections with people that went beyond simply providing a service.

Anyway, this week I'd received an oddly different voicemail message. It was from a client who simply stated that she'd been away for a while and wanted to schedule a massage. This time it took me about five days to the return the call because I sensed it would be different. This time the caller didn't give any indication that they knew about Robin's illness.

It's always interesting returning a call because at first the person on the other end of phone doesn’t have a clue about who I am. Once I explain I'm Robin's husband (I never say I *was* because that would just confuse the issue) the tone in their voice becomes happy and they're open to conversation.

I didn't plan out how I would get through this one, but I simply started by asking if the client knew that Robin had been sick. Well, "No" they said. They hadn't seen her since last Spring. Well then, I had no way out. Just needed to say it. Just need to explain that she had gotten cancer and that it was a really nasty, really rare one, and unfortunately Robin passed away last Winter.

Whew, well that's a real conversation killer. But hey, how long can you beat around the bush? I've gotten a lot of practice now in being as direct as I can be, but trying to soften the shock. (Well, that's what it feels like to me, but in reality I probably have no influence over the shock the person is going to experience. Once I've told them the news they probably don't even remember how the conversation began...)

The best thing for me (and maybe the client) is that we get to talk about Robin a little bit. Over the years I probably only met about five of her clients face-to-face - it usually only happened if I went to the office to get a massage which was somewhat rare since we also had all the same equipment (massage table and supplies) at home.

This call did start off being tougher than usual, but I feel these calls always end up being helpful for each of us. It's great to hear people say how happy Robin used to be, how she was always smiling. The best part for me is the occasional client who says that Robin was always saying "what a wonderful husband she had". How many people lose a spouse and yet get to receive this type of continuing feedback months later! ;)