SNUC_in_NY

My late wife's journey with SinoNasal Undifferentiated Carcinoma (SNUC), and my subsequent journey as a grieving widower finding my way back to life.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Thanks for all the fish

On Monday I'd gone swimming in the Gulf and thought I felt little things bumping into me. I stopped at one point to make sure it was fish and at first glance thought there must be hundreds of them. As I watched they swarmed around me and I realized there must be thousands of these little two-inch fish - all darting about at high speed. It was actually surprising that they were not colliding with me more often! At first it was disconcerting, then I thought "what are they going to do to me". Rather than fear, having these little guys swimming so close gave me some feeling of connection. I thought if I were going to worry, I'd worry about sharks - but hey, I'm not going to worry about them either! I'm sure they're too few and far between to be of immediate concern (though I'll stay close to shore anyway).

After the swim I stopped near the shore where it was just deep enough to rest my knees in the sand and float in the surf. I could feel the waves come and go. I wondered how much of my body content was water. I thought about how I feel like I'm in great shape these days, yet my body doesn't feel as limber and strong as when I was half this age. I thought about how this body will continue to carry me on my journey until one day I don't need it anymore, or coincidently, it just plain wears out.

Tuesday I repeated the swim. The water's so warm (90 degrees?) that it's easy to walk right in and get started. Within moments I began to feel little fish colliding with my sides and then I started to feel them landing on my back. I thought, hey it's nice that they're around but this is getting a little out of hand. I took one more stroke and then rolled over onto my back where I found a half dozen sea gulls hovering right overhead. I started laughing - all these little fish think they can hide around me! The gulls were so close I tried splashing them, but they seemed to know just exactly what my range was. After a little play I rolled back over and continued swimming. Eventually everyone moved on to play elsewhere. I finished my swim and headed out to get ready for dinner.

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