Robin lifts me up!

We were pretty stressed-out after we received the news about the metastases and the cancellation of surgery. I guess the first night I just swore and questioned how this could have happened.

What confused me the most was that we'd just met with the surgical team and they had copies of the PET-CT scan, so why did it take them 24 hours to call back and cancel surgery? We had hand carried the PET results to the appointment and on the way there we had opened the envelope and looked at the stack of images. I had immediately seen non-symmetric spots on the images of her body and thought the worst, but before Robin could see I put the images back in the envelope and said "we don't really know how to read these, so let's wait to have the doctors look at them". I honestly didn't know if I'd just seen metastases, but there was no reason to start speculating about it with Robin prior to the doctor's appointment. I'd been relieved at the conclusion of the appointment - the doctors had discussed the planned surgery and had said they would call if there were any issues with the final PET-CT reading. In retrospect we did leave with a sense that the discussion lacked some level detail, some odd feeling of commitment on the part of the surgical team. Though I hadn't considered it before, I guess it's likely that the surgical folks took time to confer with the oncology and radiation therapy folks in order to make the best, most informed decision about how to proceed. So they may have told us as much as they knew at the time of the appointment.

The evening we first received the news I talked to my dad, and to a friend. The first few conversations are the most difficult to get started. Robin and I talked on-and-off the next day and then late the second night we talked for about an hour just after midnight. When we ran out of tissues we switched to paper towels - wow those things really are exceptionally absorbent! Even at the end of our discussion Robin's still got her smile!

I was still feeling emotionally wound-up today. I finally had a conversation with Robin and I told her that one of the most stressful things for me was that she might feel fearful. She allayed my fears by stating that no matter when she leaves this world - next month, next year, or in forty years - she'll be ready to go in Peace.

We're quite the team, but I swear sometimes she's the rock in our relationship!